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Kinky's Celebrity Pet Files, by Kinky Friedman
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Kinky Friedman is not only a man of the people, he's a man of the animal kingdom.
Kinky is a man who wears many hats -- not just a Stetson. Aside from being a politico, folksinger, and mystery author, he's also a longtime animal advocate and feels as passionately about his pets as he does about legislative reform. But rather than simply write about his own experiences, why shouldn't he include a few friends? Of course, Kinky's address book is unique, and he's taken full advantage. In his new collection, Kinky's Celebrity Pet Files, the Kinkster writes about his famous friends and their pets you've never met, each with a story as delightful and offbeat as the author himself.
Kinky has gathered together an eclectic and extraordinary group of talented celebrity pals to talk about the subject nearest and dearest to their hearts: their pets. With candid, personal photos of the stars and their beloved animals and insider stories to match, the book is like a party only Kinky could throw, and the results are both entertaining and endearing. It's not your average celebrity pet book, because Kinky's not your average celebrity. He's got musicians, like Johnny Cash and his pig, Brian Wilson with his dog, and Willie Nelson doing his best horse whisperer impersonation; actors and comedians ranging from Phyllis Diller with Miss Kitty to Richard Pryor on a pygmy pony; and a lineup of writers, politicians, and some heroes of the past -- Bill Clinton, Joseph Heller, and Mark Twain, to name a few.
Hilarious, oddball, heartwarming, and edgy all at once, Kinky's Celebrity Pet Files is a book for animal lovers, celebrity junkies, and anyone who just likes a good story. It's a little weird, it's completely charming, and it's 100 percent Kinky.
- Sales Rank: #2052521 in Books
- Published on: 2009-10-06
- Released on: 2009-10-06
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.44" h x .90" w x 5.50" l, .79 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 224 pages
About the Author
Kinky Friedman lives in a little green trailer somewhere in the hills of Texas. He has five dogs, one armadillo, and one Smith-Corona typewriter. By the time you are reading this, Mr. Friedman may either be celebrating becoming the next governor of Texas or he may have retired in a petulant snit.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Ï»¿
INTRODUCTION
Dear Reader,
The Lord has commanded me to write a celebrity pet book. Like a good little church worker, I always try to follow all of God's commandments that I like. I remember His voice quite clearly as it came to me several years ago while I was polishing the Luger I'd bought from a former U€‘boat commander. The conversation, as near as I recall, went something like this: GOD: Kinkstah! KF: Start talkin'. GOD: I am the Lord Thy God. KF: Shit. I thought you were my agent. GOD: In a sense, I suppose, I am thy agent. Let's see. I believe you're up to twenty-seven books. That's twenty-two more than Moses. KF: Twenty-eight! I've written twenty-eight! GOD: Hold the weddin', son. You don't really expect me to count that last one where you throw the lesbian off the bridge and then kill yourself? Lesbians are my children too, you know. KF: Who is this? GOD: In this time of great trouble in the land, like everything and everyone else, book sales are suffering. The only books that are selling are books about celebrities and books about pets, and, of course, my book's still doing pretty well. KF: Sure your book's doing well -- it was ghostwritten by Janet Evanovich. GOD: (chuckles good-naturedly) Kinkstah! I command you to write a celebrity pet book! And I command you to do it without including Paris Hilton and her pretentious pedigreed poodle! KF: What! That's impossible! It can't be done! GOD: Thus saith the Lord!
And so, dear reader, that was exactly how it went, and here you are reading the author's introduction and wondering where the hell is Paris Hilton and her pretentious pedigreed poodle, and now you know why they aren't in the book. As for the people and pets who did make the cut, however, I can say only this: "Some are dead and some are living, and in my life I've loved them all."
Kinky Friedman
Texas Hill Country
Jan. 10, 2009 Copyright © 2009 by Kinky Friedman
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HANK WILLIAMS and HI€‘LIFE
Hank Williams's sister, Irene, gave this photo to my friend Marty Stuart, and Marty sent it to me. It depicts country music's troublemaking genius in a rare moment of peace, riding his beloved Tennessee walking horse, Hi€‘Life. Marty says he loves this picture "because it cuts through the myth and shows what a down-to-earth country man Hank Williams really was."
More than any singer before or after, Hank's life, his death, and his music not only define what country is all about, but they make him the tragic, magic messenger sent here to heal a broken heart. For Hank, I believe, instinctively understood one of the greatest paradoxes of human existence: The only heart that is whole is one that has been broken.
Hank Williams died on January 1, 1953, on the road somewhere between Montgomery, Alabama, and Oak Hill, West Virginia, a twenty-nine-year-old American prophet, a hillbilly Shakespeare, burning out of control like a country music comet exploding in the soul of every kid who ever wanted to be a country star.
Hank, like all of us, I suppose, was on his way to the show he never played. It was a New Year's Day gig in Canton, Ohio. My friend Bob Neuwirth was there as a young teenager and vividly remembers the stunning announcement of Hank's death to the crowd, and Red Foley and his band, from behind the drawn curtain, playing "Peace in the Valley."
It could simply be, as I've often maintained, that some people will do anything to get out of a gig in Canton, Ohio. That was just a joke, folks. Like life itself. The first commandment of country music, I believe, is Never Take Hank Williams More Seriously Than He Took Himself.
Several years ago, my pal in Hawaii, Will Hoover, introduced me to the late great Jerry Byrd, obviously before he became the late great Jerry Byrd, and he gave me some interesting insights into Hank. For those who haven't had their country music hip card punched, Jerry Byrd was the virtuoso steel-guitar player who in large part gave Hank his distinctive sound on many of his biggest hits. Jerry Byrd, indeed, was a musical tutor to Hank and the Drifting Cowboys both in the studio and on the road.
Jerry Byrd believed, from experience with Hank over his brief, turbulent career, that if all country stars behaved like Hank, the fans would revolt. Hank's demons, according to Byrd, had driven him to the point at which he had very little regard for the fans, the band, and ultimately, of course, himself. No time for autographs was putting it mildly, as Jerry Byrd saw it. The irony was that in spite of his life spinning completely out of control and destroying him after four short years of stardom, his star has shined brightly ever since, reaching the hearts of millions of people around the globe.
My theory is that Hank had a little bit of Jesus and Mozart and van Gogh in him, and people are just plain perverse; they like you better when you're dead. That is, everybody except Bill Monroe, who had the unique gift of bringing flowers to the living. On one snowy December night when Hank came through Nashville for the last time, the folks at the Grand Ol' Opry didn't want him to come up and they certainly didn't want to go down and see him. He was only the biggest star they ever had. But it must be admitted, he was also a mess. Of the entire Opry cast, only Bill Monroe went down to the street, got in the Cadillac with Hank, and spoke to him in words that would be Nashville's final farewell to country music's greatest star.
May peace be with Hank and Hi€‘Life. May they be safe and sheltered from sorrow. May they ride like the wind. May they walk in peace. May they travel together the trails of their dreams. Copyright © 2009 by Kinky Friedman
TOM WAITS and GINGER
Tom Waits does not have a good voice; like Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson, he has a great voice. Not all music critics necessarily agree, of course. One said Tom's voice "sounds like it was soaked in a vat of bourbon, left hanging in a smokehouse for a few months, and then taken outside and run over with a car." All that notwithstanding, I would just say that as other voices harmonize sweetly into oblivion, Tom's has all the spiritual timbre of a true voice in the wilderness, a voice that remains, in the long-ago loneliness of the horseshit and wild honey that is yesterday, yet a voice forever finding new heads and new hearts.
Waits's audiences are amazing in themselves. They are not the throngs of nostalgia-seeking lawyers; they are not the fallow youth who are there to say they've been there. They are, for the most part, young truth seekers who have found a kindred spirit. Tom can play almost any place in the world and they will come -- not driven by radio or record company promotional bullshit, but because they are some kind of weird indigo children who've been here before and know something will be delivered, and it always is. Tom Waits is a great teacher of truth that is tragic and music that is magic.
Tom and I had a lot of fun wasting time and ourselves in the Los Angeles of the seventies. That Los Angeles doesn't exist anymore, but Waits and I still do, and I believe it's because we both always remained "in character," dressing, acting, and becoming more who we were all the time, wearing sunglasses twenty-four hours a day BBB (before the Blues Brothers), and never, ever playing golf in the afternoons with record company executives.
Tom in those years famously lived at the Tropicana Hotel on Sunset Boulevard. He had a small, spartan room, the only accoutrement being a stove, which he used only to light his cigarettes. He drank cheap wine, hung out at seedy, soulful bars, and wrote great songs about the people and places most of us never get to know. I admired his bohemian lifestyle back then and, frankly, I still do. His spiritual home always seemed to be at the corner of Fifth and Vermouth.
Tom has won two Grammys, for Bone Machine and Mule Variations, been nominated for an Academy Award for his sound track on One from the Heart, and had songs recorded by many other artists, including Rod Stewart ("Downtown Train") the Eagles ("Ol' 55"), and Bruce Springsteen ("Jersey Girl)." The influence of his work upon artists, songwriters, musicians, and young people in general has been incalculable.
"Mostly I straddle reality and the imagination," he says. "My reality needs imagination like a bulb needs a socket. My imagination needs reality like a blind man needs a cane."
The reality is that Tom Waits has always walked his own road in a world that has become increasingly sanitized, homogenized, and trivialized. And why is the world like it is? "We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge," he says. "Quantity is being confused with abundance, and wealth with happiness. Leona Helmsley's dog made twelve million last year and Dean McLaine, a farmer in Ohio, made thirty thousand. It's just a gigantic version of the madness that grows in every one of our brains. We are monkeys with money and guns."
I agree with Tom about the state of the world, but I believe Leona Helmsley's dog probably earned his $12 million. Tom's dog, Ginger, is no doubt much happier just rambling down a country road listening to Tom playing the one-string violin, an archaic instrument in this modern world, perhaps, but a private concert nonetheless.
I can't remember any animal-related stories regarding Tom from the '70s, but I have difficulty remembering anything from the '70s. Thusly I have consulted our mutual friend, Chuck...
Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
A Joy to Read and A Walk Down Memory Lane
By Woodlandtrails
This book was an absolute joy and a must read for any animal lover! Two of my favorite bits in the book are when the author says "I gather the animals around me like little pieces of my soul" as he prepares for bed and "I don't give a flea about people who don't care about animals". Readers who love their pets are right there with him.
This big-hearted Texas man started a Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch and is friends with animal lovers from all walks of life who either support his ranch and/or started one of their own or support other rescue efforts. Pet Files is a walk down memory lane full of people we all have grown up with or read about and their pets. What is different about his book is the author is friends with quite a lot of them or worked with them now or in the past and share a very strong bond of caring for animals.
Each chapter describes a different person with their own pet story and it is truly a walk down memory lane list of people. Ruth Buzzi, Phyllis Diller, Jimmy Buffet, Dom DeLuise, Willie Nelson, Jim Nabors, Billy Bob Thornton, Emmylou Harris, Clive Cussler, Billie Holiday, Jerry Jeff Walker, Murray Langston (Unknown Comic), Fats Domino, Joseph Heller , Brian Wilson, Ann Richards, Richard Pryor (who knew the heartache he went through?), Hank Williams, Donny Osmond, Lily Tomlin and Johnny Cash among others. The author even interviewed the relatives of Winston Churchill (who knew he was so funny?) and others for their love of an animal story. The book cuts across a large swath of different people and professions all united in the simple love of animals. The story of each celebrity in his ongoing efforts to save the manatees or caring for a wild Amarillo named Dilly or rescuing and/or just loving the animals in his life ranging from horses, cats, birds and other creatures is both interesting and beautiful!
This book is like no other book of its type I have read before. It briefly describes the pet owner so the reader understands why the person is drawn to a particular type of pet and/or its personality. The author's heart-warming descriptive relationship between the person and pet is what makes Pet Files so unique.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
If you're a fan of the Kingster;you're gonna love this one!!
By Jerry Guild
If you expect Kinky to give us a book about mushy animal stories like "Lassie",or "Marlie & Me,or even "The Cat in The Hat";don't be surprised if that isn't what this book is all about.
Kinky Friedman ,marches to a different drummer;actually he beats his own drum and he is the Grand Master of his own parade as he travels his journey through life.The only thing that he is careful of is to not "step on a rainbow" too soon.
I don't know if losing the election for Governor of Texas bothered him or not;after all,we all lost much more than he did on that endeavor.
Now, Kinky has come back,stronger than before ,with a book that will endear him once again with his fans.Come to think about it,if Jesse Ventura could be Governor of Minnesota,and Al Franken could be a Senator,it would be a waste of talent for the Kingster to use his wisdom on such mundane activity.
Kinky starts of this book with these three observations from life;
Animals are more plesant to deal with than people.
Animals,celebrities,photographers and editors are more pleasant to deal with
than lawyers.
and;
Ernest Hemmingway was right."Fame is brother's little sister".
Now,ain't that the truth.
In 41 vignettes,Kinky talks about some of his friends,and other celebrities he has loved and admired and the pets that were important to them and brought them much love and happiness in return.
In these short pieces ,Kinky is going to tell you things about these celebrities that you have never suspected and with words , descriptions and expressions in the way only Kinky can do.
Just to show the range of people Kinky talks about;here are some of them.Winston Churchill,Jimmy Buffet,Willie Nelson,Emmylou Harris,Richard Pryor,Hank Williams,Ann Richards,Mark Twain,Molly Ivans,Fats Domino,Bill Clinton,Penn Jillette,Johnny Cash and many more.
Not only does Kinky tell us about their pets, but he also adds very interesting comments made by them or by Kinky about them.For instance ,that Marty Stuart,famous for his rhinestone costumes,has abandoned them to wear black in honor of the passing of his friend and former father-in law Johnny Cash;to which Kinky adds,he also wears black;but "I do it so I don't have to wash my clothes".
You are also going to find out about the great love,concern and contribution of time and money that Emmylou Harris puts into helping animals.Then you will find who gives her great comport during those long lonesome tours on the road. And did you know what great love and admiration Kinky had for Gram Parsons,Emmylous talented husband who tragically died so young?And then he tells you what he thinks of Garth Brooks.
Kinky even talks about himself and about his cat,Lady Argyle--"she used to belong to his mother before she stepped on a rainbow--she sleeps on my head,with a ghotgun under my bed".
If you know anything about Kinky and his writing ability ;you can expect to find lots of it here ,with things like this;
"After I've slipped outside and fed Dilly,I gatherd the animals about me like little pieces of my soul.I explain to them that once again that Dilly, an old spiritual friend of mine , who is used to living in a state full of loud fought ends,and we don't have to make things worse.Somewhere there is a planet,tell them,inhabited principally by sentient armadillos who occasionally carve up dead humans and sell them on the roadside. Perhaps,not surprisingly,the animals seem to relate to this peculiar vision.Then we all go back to bed and dream of fields full of slow-moving rabbits and mice and Cowboys and Indians and imaginary childhood friends and tail fins on Cadillacs and girls in the summertime and everything else that time has taken away.
Here you will also find out what kind of pets Kinkys friens have and what they mean to them.Phillis Diller's comment about lampshades in a whorehouse is something only she could come up with.
Thanks Kinky,for more of your great wit and wisdom;we need it now more than ever.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Kinky's Celebrity Pet Files
By J. WHITIS
I found Kinky's Celebrities interesting and enjoyed a brief insight into the lives of each one, many of whom are also favorites of mine. As a person always interested in animal personalities, a glimpse into the relationships between humans and their animal companions was also fun to read about.
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